Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
