It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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