9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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