im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
