Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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