Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
