You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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