Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize