the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
