Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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