I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
false alarm. still invincible.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
