I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Dear god my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
