operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
