I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
