someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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