she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
