so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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