I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
