Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
