I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
