We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
