Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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