Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
