Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
