If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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