Tell her she can't have a vagina
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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