We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
