I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
