Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
