i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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