tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
