Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
