i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
