moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
