I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
