She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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