im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
