Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I looked at my own cervix.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
