just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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