People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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