I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
