sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
