it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
