My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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