I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
