no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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