Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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