Just cropdusted the office
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
