i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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