so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
