No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
