oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
