after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize