I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
