Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
