Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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