two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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