you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
