I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
