Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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