He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
