Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
