all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
