I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
