I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize