I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
