hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
