mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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