the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
