how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I smell stomach acid.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i love accidental penises.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
