turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sober January is a disaster.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
