He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
