How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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